You might’ve never heard of those words before, but every Christian has struggled with this question.

Did God choose me?

Or did I choose God?

This is a topic that has divided the church, and the debates that can ensue from it are endless.

I’m here to provide my viewpoint on the topic.

I’ve struggled with this question myself recently.

And I sought an answer from God but received silence.

I turned to pastors to see what they had to say, and I knew a few that were clearly Spirit led.

John MacArthur, John Piper, Charles Stanley, David Jeremiah were some of them.

They were (some have passed on) believers strong in the wisdom of the Word, and ruled by their love for God.

They had communion with the Holy God, and could discern His will well. They were seasoned, mature believers.

Yet they do not all agree on this topic – some are Calvinists, others Arminians.

I began to muse. Couldn’t the countless faithful believers through the generations have received a clear answer from God? Why was the church divided?

And a verse came to me.

1 Corinthians 13:9-10 (King James Version)

⁹ For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

¹⁰ But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

This verse says our knowledge is partial while we are on this earth.

One day, we will know fully, but not now, while we’re on earth.

It is my belief that God chooses to allow some topics of faith to be unclear when it comes to answers.

Why?

By letting Christians be divided on many areas of theology, God teaches us unity.

We have a decision to make when we encounter someone with a different theology than ours.

Do we love them? Or hate them just for being different?

By allowing incongruencies in theological stances, God teaches us to love one another by setting our differences aside.

It teaches us to value unity over disunity.

And to prize love over knowledge.

I hope this helps.

P.S.:

But what do I believe?

After wrestling with the matter for years, I affirm that I am a Calvinist.

My journey to repentance is a big reason for that theological stance.

When I first felt the pull within my soul towards God, I was only as tall as a chair. I was on a school trip to Changi Chapel, and pictures of Jesus’ sacrifice were painted on murals on the walls.

I felt my soul move within me, and something told me this was something that needed all my attention. But I ended up not accepting Christ then because I thought I had to drink human blood and eat human flesh.

Fast forward more years, I dabbled in many religions, even in Christianity, but my repentance then wasn’t genuine.

I grew up knowing the message of Christ without truly accepting it, until one night, where I felt another call within my soul.

A call to be saved.

I didn’t know how I knew, but my soul told me the way was Jesus, and I had to be saved.

I was saved in the middle of the night, alone in my sister’s room, with no one there to guide me to Christ. It later taught me that Christ needed no ministers, and it was a privilege to serve.

But my entry into the Christian life was a supernatural act, that I knew with all my heart.

I eventually fell into a cult, and every time I read the bible, I could feel something like a mental wall. It felt like I was prevented from knowing what was written.

The cult took control for about a decade, and I was set free by God at last through affliction. I gained a mental illness that taught me that trying to be sinless was impossible, because when I attempted it, it drove me to insanity.

But all of this told me that God chose me from the beginning. I had no choice in the matter.

God is in total control of our lives.

The first time I heard the gospel, He already opened my heart.

The day I was saved, it wasn’t my personal decision.

My detour into the cult was also appointed by him, so I would eventually serve the church with my testimony.

He is in full control.

Now, many people have difficulty with Calvinism. Why?

Because Calvinism requires that you believe that God appointed some for destruction.

I know it sounds harsh, but yes, that’s true.

I spent three years writing fiction, and I learnt many things about my faith from it.

As a creator, I had the full ability and right to appoint some of my characters to prosperity, and others to destruction.

Yes, God did choose to restrain His mercy from some people.

And He has every right to as the Potter, the Creator.

But that does not mean He is unjust.

Every person that is sent to Hell will have done things deserving of judgement.

Now, let me talk about the question that every Arminian grapples with:

Is it really correct to say “God saves as many as He can”?

And they will often point to this verse:

2 Peter 3:9 (New International Version)

⁹ The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

I mentioned in a past blog post that just because something happened, it doesn’t mean it was God’s desire.

Satan may have attacked you.

Not God, but God did allow it to happen.

It was God’s will that you suffer that attack, but He does not desire for you to.

Just like a parent never desires for her child to be hurt, but then allows them to suffer some consequences of their actions in order to teach them a lesson.

God can desire the salvation of all mankind, and yet in His endless wisdom choose to deny it to some. Those two things are not in contradiction.

God is in full control.

And you might ask, why does God do this?

The answer is – for His glory.

Ephesians 2:8-9 (New International Version)

⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast.

If we say that we are the reason why we are saved, we get the glory.

But no, we were appointed to salvation by God, so it was His doing. And that means He gets the glory.

However, as I mentioned in the beginning of the post, I think matters like these call for understanding within Christian community.

I understand that many Arminians believe what they believe because they do not want to believe that God would willingly create someone to send them to Hell.

And as many Arminians also say, “God can’t absolutely be behind everything that happens and yet not also be the author of evil.” That’s a resounding argument. I don’t have the answers to every argument, and that’s okay. We don’t have to.

I say, worship the way you need to.

Let Calvinists not push Arminians out of their fellowship.

As a Calvinist, I will put love before knowledge.

But in the end, I do have a piece of advice for every Arminian and Calvinist out there that I believe will serve well:

Witness like an Arminian. Walk securely in grace like a Calvinist.

p.s. I say I’m a Calvinist now, but I always change positions. Sometimes I’m a Calvinist, other time I’m Arminian. I think the most accurate thing to say is that I think the truth is a balance of the two views.